(Sorry I couldn't post earlier)
10. Use the State of Emergency designation to take a day off from work even though you have power, cable, heat and working hot water
9. The neighborhood kids use your basement for a block pool party. Everyone pools their defrosted meats for a grilling good time
8. Drink more tea or coffee than any normal human can handle. Why should you waste all that perfectly good boiling hot water?
7. Troll the local stores for water, ice and flashlights. Then sit and stew while your facebook friends discuss all the popular shows and you can't watch them
6. Wonder how PSEG decides who gets their power back first
5. Hang out with neighbors you usually avoid. Reminisce about past catastrophes like old friends. Make false promises to hang out in the near future
4. Earn your stripes as an amateur photographer taking pictures of the destruction of houses, fallen trees and crushed cars while the owners of the houses, trees and cars look on in defeat
3. Watch in amazement as tree after tree gets run through the wood chipper while listening to Rush - The Trees
2. Take up Teaneck Kosher Corner Grocery, located on the corner of Teaneck Rd. and Forest, up on their gracious offer for a free dinner because your house, apartment or coop is blacked out. Sweet deal!
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Showing posts with label Top Ten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Ten. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Top Ten List: Teaneck Anti-Semitism
Top 10 Reasons for Teaneck’s Jews to Claim They Are Victims of Anti-Semitism
10. Your child can’t get a free swing at the Inclusive Playground at Votee Park because they are all being used
9. A Township Police Officer pulls you over for not stopping for a pedestrian in a crosswalk on Cedar Lane, who is walking to synagogue, 5 minutes before the Sabbath
8. The Kosher signs on the Cedar Lane 7-11 Slurpee machines make you believe that the Teaneck Road's machines are not Kosher
7. Blockbuster is going out of business and they do not have any copies of The Ten Commandments, Yentyl, Ushpizin, Fiddler on the Roof, Exodus or Shindler’s List for 60% off
6. Teaneck's Board of Education pads the budget with extra expenditures because the voters routinely blindly pass the budget and as a result your property taxes go up
5. Every year you need to buy new shoes after doing Tashlich because birds poop all over the grass near the Hackensack River and Overpeck Park
4. You get pulled over for drunk driving on Purim because of racial profiling
3. Mysteriously, the Eruv was down after THE Snow Storm of 2010 and everyone's naively blaming it on the snow
2. Teaneck voters vote for the candidates running for the Council based on their merits and not because they attend synagogue
1. The number 1 top reason to claim anti-Semitism is when you are caught lying in your selfish attempt to bring peace for the greater good of the community, your community.
10. Your child can’t get a free swing at the Inclusive Playground at Votee Park because they are all being used
9. A Township Police Officer pulls you over for not stopping for a pedestrian in a crosswalk on Cedar Lane, who is walking to synagogue, 5 minutes before the Sabbath
8. The Kosher signs on the Cedar Lane 7-11 Slurpee machines make you believe that the Teaneck Road's machines are not Kosher
7. Blockbuster is going out of business and they do not have any copies of The Ten Commandments, Yentyl, Ushpizin, Fiddler on the Roof, Exodus or Shindler’s List for 60% off
6. Teaneck's Board of Education pads the budget with extra expenditures because the voters routinely blindly pass the budget and as a result your property taxes go up
5. Every year you need to buy new shoes after doing Tashlich because birds poop all over the grass near the Hackensack River and Overpeck Park
4. You get pulled over for drunk driving on Purim because of racial profiling
3. Mysteriously, the Eruv was down after THE Snow Storm of 2010 and everyone's naively blaming it on the snow
2. Teaneck voters vote for the candidates running for the Council based on their merits and not because they attend synagogue
1. The number 1 top reason to claim anti-Semitism is when you are caught lying in your selfish attempt to bring peace for the greater good of the community, your community.
