Big Bash on Queenanne

Summer. The smell of grilling meats permeates the neighborhood. Kids playing and bicycle riding. Its a nice time for neighbors to get together, sit out on lounge chairs and swap stories.

Synagogues hunt for fundraisers that take advantage of the summery feel of August. President Robert Erlich and the planning committee, have I got a fundraiser for you:

The 1st annual 554 Queen Anne Rd, Inc DBA Congregation Etz Chaim of Teaneck aka. Rabbi Daniel Zvi Feldman's shul aka The Shtibshul Barbeque.

I'm already salivating thinking about it. Your Kiddushes are legen-wait for it-dary, can you imagine what a BBQ would be like?

The venue is important. Once all of your neighbors agree to allowing your BBQ to take place at 554 Queen Anne Rd, you are golden! CareOne is not appropriate due to the hearts and lungs of their clientèle. Every other minute one of the residents will pull the fire alarm because they think they are on fire. Check out my posting on Biur Chametz for more information. Parking will be at a premium. I suggest parking at the safe parking structures in Hackensack and chartering a bus to the Stibshul. Everybody wins!

The menu is also a vital part of the barbecuing experience. After all, what is a BBQ without the food. You should serve:

• In-Ground Steaks (from realtors due to Etz Chaim)
• Pickle Snotsberry SteakBurger (fresh from the Yekusiel's robotic kid's noses)
• Frank Furor (from the neighbors)
• Chickens all types (especially two-faced ones like that Levine chap who got kicked off the JCT board)
• Flies (from the stench the Stibshul has brought to the Teaneck Jewish community)
• Bunion Rings (from walking to shul because NO ONE parks at Etz Chaim on Friday nights)
• Slaw (costs from all of the lawsuits)
• Pot Salad (to defray the costs from the BBQ because everyone has used all their money to pay for the Shtibshul's mortgage)

The menu sounds absolutely delicious. Yummy. Sign me up!

Don't forget to post it on teaneckshuls. LOL, Who am I kidding?!?!?!?

Stroller Parking Validation

Things just got a bit more difficult for Etz Chaim members. Due to new township initiatives to raise money and to help balance the budget, Etz Chaim must now supply stroller parking spots, in addition to car parking spots. On a property where space is a premium, this may pose an additional difficulty to the synagogue and to new parents. Luckily, permits are not difficult to get.



Running errands and going to synagogue with a baby is never a task most mothers look forward to. It gets a little easier when you get to park in those neat stroller spots! Here's how you can get one for yourself and your baby.

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 10 minutes
Here's How:
1.You must have a baby. The back of the permit states that it can only be used "when traveling with a baby and a stroller."
2.The permits can be obtained at the Teaneck Health and Human Services office. The mother, father or legal guardian must present a photo ID.
3.Proof of the child's age is required in the form of a birth certificate. The permit is good until the child's third birthday.
4.The permit is very reasonably priced. There is a $1.50 service fee, and the permit is $0.50 per month.
5.You should know that cars with handicapped permits are also allowed to park in the baby stroller parking spots if there are no handicapped spots available.

What You Need:
•Parent/legal guardian photo I.D.
•Baby's proof of age
•Cash or check for the processing fee

There is a 2 week wait for the permit to arrive by mail.

Be aware that all violators will be fined $500 per illegal parking offense, so get your permit today!

Power Out(r)age

I hope everyone in Bergen County is well, families are safe and everyone gets their power, clean water and cable back very soon. I want my MTV!

I am blessed that I have been given the opportunity to author this blog. There are elements in Teaneck that act and operate as if they are beyond reproach. Etz Chaim of Teaneck and Rabbi Daniel Feldman are two of those elements. Etz Chaim because they are a religious Jewish Institution being repressed and discrminated against by the evil Board of Adjustments. Rabbi Feldman because he is a public figure, a local and internationally known celebrity (one website even called him a Rosh Yeshiva at YU), a learned scholarly Rabbi with Yadin Yadin Yoreh Yoreh semikha from REITS and he writes books about ethics.

That is why this blog is so important. The pedigree should not matter. They are acting unethically and outside of the boundaries of decency and the law. This blog, macdmusings, is the only venue that is critiquing them for their actions. This is where their opponents and victims have a voice.

During the storm I checked the comments that needed moderation. There was a single comment and it was by the same negative commenter as usual. Instead of trying to guess who I am or lauding my efforts or inviting me to a Kiddush in my honor or calling me McDick or commenting on my genitalia, this time I was issued an ultimatum.

Dear Schluff: please take this as a warning, I know who you are and I am asking you nicely to stop your musings and tweeting and all of your other garbage for good.  I am not really concerned sbout EC but your defaming Rabbi Feldman is going on for too long.  Grow up amd move on.  stop brooding about what you had at the Center.  Shut it down in 48 hours or I will expose you and you will be fair game for legal action.  (The sentence that was here was removed to protect the innocent person that the commenter believes is Shluffenheimer MacDougal)  Again shut it down or I will tell them who you are, please stop already.    grow up and move on in life.  shalom

Rabbi Daniel Feldman has taken a public position in the Teaneck community. He is well known around the world and commands a nice salary to visit communities and speak. He is a public figure and public figures are held to a higher standard than you and me. He has not been defamed, he has been critiqued and criticized using pure fact or opinions based on the truth as reported by newspapers. Sometimes the critiques are based on Rabbi Feldman's own words, books or newspaper articles quoting him.  

Under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, as set forth by the U.S. Supreme Court in the 1964 Case, New York Times v Sullivan, where a public figure attempts to bring an action for defamation, the public figure must prove an additional element: That the statement was made with "actual malice". In translation, that means that the person making the statement knew that they were making the statement with reckless disregard as to its truth.

The concept of the "public figure" is broader than celebrities and politicians. A person can become an "involuntary public figure" as the result of publicity even though that person did not want or invite the public attention. For example, people accused of high profile crimes may be unable to pursue actions for defamation even after their innocence is established, on the basis that the notoriety associated with the case and the accusations against them turned them into involuntary public figures.

A person can also become a "limited public figure" by engaging in actions which generate publicity within a narrow area of interest. Jokes can be made at their expense based on their actions. Like I have made here about Mr. President Robert Erlich's newspaper quotes and transcript and reported actions from the BOA hearing.

For more about defamation click here.

So here is what is going to happen.
You will tell Etz Chaim, President Erlich, Rabbi Feldman or whomever, who you think I am.  They will serve the poor guy/gal and attempt to take him/her to court. Rabbi Feldman and/or Robert Erlich lose their case because they blamed an innocent person and they will point the finger at you as their informant and if they don't, I will. You will lose house and home when your victim sues you for everything you have and more. YOUR good name will be destroyed and I get the feeling your professional standing will be harmed, too.

All of this because you want to protect someone who doesn't care about you, leaves you scrambling for a minyan every Sunday because his Congregants don't show up to CareOne and his cronies who continue to badger your friends that don't toe the Etz Chaim party line or buy into the propoganda. Please stop fooling yourself. This is not your battle.

If you feel the need to be in touch with me, email me directly at macdmusings@hush.com

Please feel free to continue to comment and participate in the blog. I look forward to real arguments based on facts to prove me wrong.

Shluffenheimer MacDougal

Parking Solutions (Part 3)

Mr. President, Robert Erlich, I have thought about your parking issues and I have yet another solution for Etz Chaim of Teaneck.

Jews love to drive to Synagogue for Friday night services. Orthodox Jews can't move their cars all Sabbathlong. When it comes to the Sabbath morning services, stacked parking and baby strollers are a rough mix if they have to share the same space. Where are congregants going to congregate after services if 554 Queen Anne Rd's lot is all parked up? The Orthodox can't walk on the grass, you might tear it up. The entire situation is not conducive to building a community.

Its Saturday morning after services and the weather is beautiful. The parking lot is full and there are a ton of strollers. Where can you hang out and shmooze before you walk home from a scrumptious Saturday afternoon luncheon?

You can clear the parking lot of cars, but hiring a valet service to move the cars until the crowd dissipates can be very expensive and Etz Chaim can not afford to hemorrhage any more money or to rely on Betty Grable to allegedly foot the bill. So what can you do that is cost effective and practical?

Your pal, Shluffenheimer MacDougal, has some great concepts to bring up at your next board meeting, assuming you have a board of course. If not, you can just bring it up to Rabbi Feldman after services.

You can train animals to drive a car. Animals are not bound by sabbath rules, so they can't violate the Sabbath. Case in point, Toonces the Driving Cat.







Cats aren't loyal like a dog, but Dogs are more reliable. Better to train a dog to drive the cars.

Be careful not to hire a cat and a dog together. Cats can be very malicious and vengeful.





Its been clinically proven that Elephants are more powerful than cats and dogs, but they aren't better drivers. Elephants are a bad idea.





Stuart Little is already trained but he is too short and won't reach the steering wheel.

Training animals is a risky proposition. After all, it is hard to get animals to follow what you ask of them on demand. An animal can never be fully domesticated. It is better to train the children to drive. They are our future and in a young synagogue there will never be a shortage of children under 3. Etz Chaim will finally have a youth program.



Let's stop talking about problems and let's start talking about solutions!

Parking Solutions (Part 2)

President Robert Erlich here are my additional parking proposals. It was very unclear what stacked parking means,
so I will do my best:

New York City Style

Pyramid

Oooooops! Wrong kind of stacked.

Building Block Stacked

Straight Up

Park at CVS

Parking Solutions

President Robert Erlich here are my proposals:

Feel free to use any of these ideas!!