How I Met Your Method

I'm Barnbert Stinslich. Yes, THE Barnbert from Teaneck. This is an awesome time to live in Teaneck, because I live there and my awesomeness. Sometimes I amaze myself with awesomousity. I only buy the best, eat the best and hang out with the best.

When I pray, I pray with the best, too.
Arzei Darom you say?
You offensive simpleton I said the best.
I pray with Rabbi Feldman at Etz Chaim of Teaneck.
The synagogue is
legen-
wait for it



-dary!

One of the things that makes Etz Chaim
legen-
wait for it
-dary
is our awesome Playbook.


















Ah, the Playbook.
The root of all of Etz Chaim's awesomeness. It helps us navigate the perils of Bloggerville. There are a lot of hatahs out there and we needed a guide to help us respond to them and respond to them we will. So lets lawsuit up and review some of the rules:

1. If someone has to audacity to bring up the Betty G(r)able letters, you must fantasize about her and her deliciously hot body (definitely not a him. It couldn't possibly be Mario Guralnik) and then respond:
You are quoting a letter from the mysterious "Betty Grable." While such a letter might arouse my suspicions, too, were I an opponent, I would not be inclined to rely too heavily on a communication by an apparently fictitious person. If there were something official from Etz Chaim to that effect, it would be different. But Etz Chaim stated in the first meeting that no such plans exist and no such intention exists.






















2. If they ask you about the truth of what Etz Chaim is doing float them a gentle:

You obviously don't know anyone within EC, and I can't imagine you have actually tried to talk with any of them one on one.















3. If you are asked, Why Rabbi Daniel Feldman doesn't talk in public about the involvement of Mr. Betty Gable in the operations of his shul and the maintenance of the property or any issues about Etz Chaim and 554 Queen Anne Rd. you can whisper these sweet nothings through the magic of the internet:
He will consider standing up once those who slander him identify themselves and their comments.
or
Why don't you? I'm sure you haven't. Easier to type accusations on a keyboard, I suppose.





















4. If someone says something you generally dislike, you take a deep breath, flex your manly fingers and type with conviction:
Enough with the insults. You are not doing anything to promote peace in what is already a too-contentious situation.
Then you should insult them right back and attack Arzei Darom and other shuls in the area because of our special brand of shul envy. Especially for Beth Aaron and their grandfathered ability to have zero off the street parking.















5. And lastly, if someone accuses Etz Chaim of impropriety, no matter how valid, you must respond very forcefully:

Your allegation is without basis. I'm not going to claim there aren't reasons to oppose Etz Chaim in this endeavor, but your slanderous accusation is not one of them.
And then tear them a new asshole with your righteous anger. Yes anger, one of our best qualities.












If this doesn't work we are going to lawsuit up and go out to the Rutherford Institute.

We are very lucky to have the Planbook. Without it, Teaneck would never understand what we are really about or fully appreciate our awesomeness the way it was meant to appreciated.

Hope to chat again soon,

Barnbert Stinslich