New Beginnings

A special Tisha B'Av Drusha from my brother

Rabbi Zitzinheimer MacDougal on the laws of Tisha B' Av

Rabbeisai (Holy Rabbis) Tesha Bav is a special time where all the yiddishe kinder (Jewish people) take the time to actually sit during a weekday. No running, jumping, hopping, skipping, rolling or dancing for Hashem's holy children. In a technically advanced age this is a big deal for anyone not just all the yiddishe kinder. Tomorrow night is a very holy night for sitting and listening to Eicha the holy book that is read on Tesha Bav.

Not only must we sit but we must sit on the floor or on small stools or technologically advanced mini beach chairs. The beach is assur (not permissible) to go to and stare at the scantily clad women without schvim kleids, the chairs are ok to use in Shul, unless of course there is a scantily clad woman on the chair. That is Assur of the highest degree, but the nekeivas (women) are nice to look at and really helps the concentration. 

One may not wear leather shoes because its super comfortable and a sign of being rich when we are supposed to be like a poor person mourning and feeling sad. Rabbosai you may wear the Tretorn Skymra SL Lace-Up Canvas Sneaker because it is made of canvas not leather. You can perform a huge hiddur mitzveh (enhancement) for Tesha Bav and buy it on amazon for $750.

Drinking and eating is not permitted on the holy tzoim (fast) yum tuv (holiday) of Tesha Bav unless you are suffering from pavlovian urges and really get hungry for a delectable hot kiddush and mashke when you drive by or get to shul. I posskin that you follow the Hydra Rav and use vitamin suppositories to nourish to body like a hydra.

You may not wash your hantelach (hands) past your knuckles, but roiv (most) people don't seem to wash them  so this halucheh (law) is one you don't have to remember anyway.

For the best Tesha Bav experience, I recommend a Shul with a women's section, with lots of mashke (booze) and loose moral standards with fraud and gambling, a Ninve (Non Jewish city that Jonah got to repent after the whale vomited him up) if you will like the one at the residence of the brilliant Bekiyus (proficiency) of the Rav of YU at 554 Queen Anne Rd.

But I digress. I would like to share something I read on Tesha Bav that is fitting for our times and Shluffenheimer's message to the sefardim (spanish/porteguese/middle eastern Jews) at Ohr Saadya. It is from the ou.org and it has shaychis (appropriateness) to the matzav (situation) in Teaneck with Ohr Saadya today.

The prophet Jeremiah spent years warning his people that they repent and stop insisting that the Temple would protect them. To his chagrin, the Jews honored the Temple more in spectacle than in spirit.

But, the Jews ignored him, even imprisoned him, and to his unbearable agony, he was proven right. The Temple was destroyed, the people ravaged, the nation dispersed and he was the witness.

The book of Eichah is timeless. Although it was composed in the wake of the end of the first Temple era, the Sages of the Midrash find it full of allusions to the destruction of the second Temple, over 500 years later. This is not at all an anachronism, because Jewish history is a continuum. Just as we live by the torah that was given over 33 centuries ago, so we are molded by the experiences of our forbears and the historical epochs they created.

Jeremiah weeps and we weep with him, because – if we are thoughtful and perceptive – we can see all of Jewish history in the dirges of Eichah. This is the challenge of Tisha B’av. Can we realize that this is not merely a day of tears, but of challenge and hope?

The book of Eichah calls Tisha B’av "a day of Jewish rendezvous with G-d" and we don’t recite Tachanun because it has elements of a festival.

Rendezvous with G-d? Festival? On a day of destruction and suffering? Yes, because Tisha B’av proves that G-d is not indifferent to Jewish conduct. We matter to him. And since we do, we know that He awaits our repentance and that there will be a third Temple, an eternal one.

The Sages say that the Messiah will be born on Tisha B’av. Let us read Eichah with the prayerful hope that he has already been born and that this day next year will be a day of joy.

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OY! Alla Da Yiddisher Kinder should know that Shluffenheimer is like the prophet Jeremiah in that he weeps and cries and lives through the scorn and deridation of the Jewish people of Etz Chaim and Ohr Saadya as they ignore his lessons and pleas for repentance for their actions that affect all the yiddishe kinder. 


Hashem watches and judges the actions of am Yisroel (the Jewish people) and the actions of these Ohr Saadya and Robert Erlich and Rabbi Daniel Z. Feldman and Zalman Levine and Akiva Shapiro and Rachelle Mandelbaum are causing negativity towards Jews and a huge chillul (embarrassment towards) Hashem and towards the yiddishe kinder of Teaneck. 


Rabbi Feldman's disciples who comment on this holy blog with their foul language embody all the negative traits of the Ninve at 554 Queen Anne Rd. 

Rabbosai there is hope in these troubled times.


I use the heilige (holy) term Ninve because just like the inhabitants of Ninve repented for their evil ways there is hope for the future of all the yiddishe kinder and the sefardim at Ohr Saadya that they will repent and return to the fold of the tzibbur (the community) of Teaneck.

As we say in Eicha:
Hashivenu Hashem Eilecha VenaShuva - Chadesh Yameinu KeKedem

Bring us back to you Hashem, and we shall return, renew our days as of old

Drop the lawsuit heilige neshama (holy soul) Rabbi Daniel Z. Feldman, Robert Erlich and Akiva Shapiro and approach the Board of Adjustment with love and respect and don't forget 
אנחנו חייבים לבצע את חוקי המדינה בה אנו נמצאים.


While we are in golus (exile) we must follow the laws of the country we are in and Ohr Saadya should file for everything they want for their family room in the BOA of Teaneck, the way that Hashem wants them to.




Have a good shabbos and a meaningful fast,


Rabbi Zitzinheimer MacDougal